


I Need Noise

by Luciel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Pre-Relationship, References to Depression, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, violence mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 23:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15496737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luciel/pseuds/Luciel
Summary: "Thor and I have always had fun mocking and fighting each other, but recently we have just been talking. Talking quite seriously. We are being very…careful with each other. It’s for the best, I think, for the moment, but it feels unnatural. I miss the fun. I cannot stand everyone being so delicate with me.”After Ragnarok, Loki and Thor have been trying to work out their issues. Valkyrie is curious and sympathetic, but isn't quite sure what the issues are or how to help. During a rare candid conversation with Loki, she starts to realize that her problems might interact well with his.





	I Need Noise

**Author's Note:**

> Entry for Valki Week 2018 day 1 - angst.

Loki was sad.

That made sense. Everyone was sad. There were a lot of reasons to be sad for an Asgardian right now. Loki wasn’t special.

But he did seem to be special, or at least different. Brunnhilde had never been as perceptive about other people’s emotions as some, but she had been trapped on a relatively small space ship with Loki for quite a while now and she had not been actively avoiding him. At first she had just thought he was a pain in the ass – which he most definitely was – but as time went on it became clearer to her that he was in a unique situation among them.

She was uncertain exactly what that situation was; she had picked up some information from Banner about Loki’s attempted Midgardian conquests, and some information from Thor about a complicated series of family issues, but the details still eluded her. No one of seemed to want to discuss it for long, and she wasn’t going to stick her nose into something that did not concern her.

But Loki was sad, and for all her shows of indifference, she had developed a soft spot for him. She had started paying attention despite herself, and had reached the conclusion that Thor had a lot to do with it. Their interactions had changed from how they had been on Sakaar: less antagonistic and more polite, still brotherly but more staid somehow. Brunnhilde had gathered that they had been spending quite a bit of time talking about _something_ , but she had no idea what.

She did not really intend to investigate, but she could not ignore it when she found him in a less-used part of the ship sitting on some large metal pipe and leaning his head against the wall, staring at the ceiling. She thought about turning around and pretending she had not seen him, but the soft spot urged her to go and sit next to him.

“Hey, Lackey.”

He did not even bother looking at her.

“Always charming, aren’t you.”

“People seem to think so.”

He gave a short laugh, and tipped his head forward to look straight ahead at the wall. He did not say anything else, but she interpreted his change in posture as receptiveness to her presence.

She decided there was no reason to beat around the bush.

“How are things going with Thor?”

Now he did look at her.

“I beg your pardon?”

He did not seem offended, just shocked. His eyes lacked their typical startlingly evaluative glint. They also did not look sad now, just tired, and less guarded than was usual for him. She swallowed.

“I don’t want to pry. I just get the impression that the two of you have a more complicated relationship than I gave you credit for at first. It seems like you’ve been working on it.”

She thought he might not reply, but at last he sighed and tilted his head back again.

“…It is complicated. I’d rather not talk about it.” He paused. His face twitched as if annoyed. “Some day, perhaps. There is rather a lot to go into, though, and it’s not…settled yet.”

“Of course.”

Well, that was a start. An acknowledgement that she had guessed correctly. She was surprised she had gotten anything from him, honestly. Loki was communicative but not earnest, and generally not one to openly display vulnerability. The soft spot she held for him grew, despite her better judgment.

She looked away but remained sitting beside him for a while, though she did not expect him to say more. Silent camaraderie was as valuable as anything else, sometimes.

When he did speak, he was staring at the wall in front of them again.

“Thor and I are working on it.”

His posture was loose, though his gaze was more intent than the blank wall warranted. She nodded.

“It’s…good, I suppose. Tricky. But we are both trying. He has been quieter than I expected. More understanding, too. It’s different. I have…well.”

Some tension had come into his face, and his fingers were twitching in his lap. She realized she was holding her breath watching him. His eyes lowered and he continued.

“I am unaccustomed to him being so gentle. He has always been kind, except when he failed to realize that he was being cruel, but he has not been gentle with me very often. We have always had fun mocking and fighting each other, but recently we have just been talking. Talking quite seriously. We are being very…careful with each other. It’s for the best, I think, for the moment, but it feels…unnatural. I miss the fun. I cannot stand everyone being so delicate with me.”

He did look delicate, she thought. The fine bones of his hands and face looked all the finer contrasted with the blunt architecture of the ship, and the strange sincerity in his large eyes made him seem younger than he did while constantly on the defensive.

She wondered how old he was, suddenly. Younger than her, of course. Her own hurts were older than him; she had had the length of his lifetime – probably more – to recover. His wounds were fresh.

But she still remembered not wanting to be treated delicately. That was why she had not ever tried to return to Asgard, after all. She couldn’t take the sympathy. Drowning her sorrows on Sakaar had seemed better at the time. Loki might look delicate, but she recognized the strength in his tightening muscles and in the bravery it took for him to face his troubles instead of running from them.

She checked herself before she could lapse into self-pity. He picked at his fingernail.

“People don’t know how to treat you,” she said slowly. “It sounds like you have changed a lot. When you’re hurt, people think you need space.

He nodded, but said, “I hate it.”

Brunnhilde laughed. She understood that too; it was refreshing to hear him say it so frankly. Loki glanced at her.

“I dislike constantly feeling like everything is breakable,” he said after a pause. “These are Asgardians; should we not be able to withstand anything? We are not a breakable people.”

He paused again, making several false starts before continuing.

“I know that is wrong, of course. I’m not stupid. We are breakable.” His voice was low, somewhere between remorseful and disgusted. “We are almost broken. I just wish…”

“You wish you could forget about it sometimes.”

“Yes.”

That was fair enough. Confronting your problems was a heavy business; accepting that you have done wrong and been wronged and trying to make it better was very difficult, and very time-consuming. She could not blame him for wanting a break from his own mind; she had been trying to take a break from hers for centuries with knee-jerk violence and comical volumes of liquor. On this small ship there were not many ways to hide from yourself, especially for Loki, whose relationship with everyone on board seemed strained at best.

She wished she knew what to do. He shook his head as if to himself, and drew his arms closer to his body.

“I just wish talking with Thor did not make me feel so fragile. I…appreciate his gentleness. I think…I probably do need that from him. But I am not so fragile that I need to be coddled by _everyone_. He and I need to be careful with each other for the moment, and that’s fine; it’s best that we not send mixed signals even in jokes, but it is getting to be oppressive. It’s all too slow. There is no fun anywhere. Nothing is straightforward or exciting. If I could just…I just want to…to…”

Brunnhilde recognized Loki’s itching agitation. The way his hands kept flexing and closing into fists. She had a guess about what “fun” meant to him because it meant the same thing to her.

“To hit someone?” she filled in for him. Loki’s looked at her sharply.

“Yes. Or – ”

“Get hit by someone.”

“Yes.”

He was looking at her again, eyes still unguarded but less calm, steady and piercing and honest. She knew what it felt like to look like that. Maybe she could help him after all.

“Well I’m not just going to deck you right here, if that’s what you’re angling for.”

He smiled for the first time since she had sat down. Mischievous but appreciative, and sharply beautiful. It surprised her, but she smiled back.

She stood up suddenly and he made no move to follow, just observed her quizzically. She grinned.

“Sparring later. I could do with some practice. Bet you could too. You in?”

He raised an eyebrow at her and nodded.

“Good. Let’s say two hours, yeah? Be ready to have your ass handed to you; Valkyrie training isn’t legendary for nothing.”

Her quick departure might seem rude if he were someone else, but she could feel his smirk raising the hairs on the back of her neck as she walked away, and she knew it was fine for him. Her chest swelled with pride and affection. _Better watch out for that_ , her own sadness told her, but that had been the point, hadn’t it? Maybe they didn’t need to be so careful with themselves with each other, at least.

What a relief that would be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from K.Flay's song Blood in the Cut
> 
> Find me on tumblr at sinaesthete.tumblr.com!


End file.
